Be careful little eyes what you see; it's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings. Be careful little feet where you go for it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow.
It's a slow fade when you give yourself away. It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray. Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid when you give yourself away. People never crumble in a day; it's a slow fade, it's a slow fade.
Be careful little ears what you hear; when flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near. Be careful little lips what you say for empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray.
It's a slow fade when you give yourself away. It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray. Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid when you give yourself away. People never crumble in a day.
The journey from your mind to your hands is shorter than you're thinking. Be careful if you think you stand; you just might be sinking.
It's a slow fade when you give yourself away. It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray. Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid when you give yourself away. People never crumble in a day. Daddies never crumble in a day. Families never crumble in a day.
Oh be careful little eyes what you see. Oh be careful little eyes what you see for the Father up above is looking down in love. Oh be careful little eyes what you see.
~casting crowns
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Here's why...
So my lack of posting this week is because...
1) i'm not at home. i'm dogsitting/housesitting for bro and sil while they are on vacation. these dogs are a handful.
2) i'm worn out. emotionally, physically, mentally. i've just had a bad week.
maybe i'll be better next week.
pray for me please.
1) i'm not at home. i'm dogsitting/housesitting for bro and sil while they are on vacation. these dogs are a handful.
2) i'm worn out. emotionally, physically, mentally. i've just had a bad week.
maybe i'll be better next week.
pray for me please.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Update
Hello everyone... just wanted to give a quick update to my faithful readers and pray-ers.
Lindsey (the sis in law) had an ultrasound on Friday and the baby grew as it was supposed to and the heartbeat grew stronger, as it was supposed to!
So we're very excited. This is her 3rd pregnancy. She is now 7 weeks and 4 days pregnant. This is probably the longest she has carried so far.
Please keep praying. And Angela, yes, please have the church there pray. The more the merrier. :-)
THANKS!!
PS. I'M GONNA BE AN AUNT.
Lindsey (the sis in law) had an ultrasound on Friday and the baby grew as it was supposed to and the heartbeat grew stronger, as it was supposed to!
So we're very excited. This is her 3rd pregnancy. She is now 7 weeks and 4 days pregnant. This is probably the longest she has carried so far.
Please keep praying. And Angela, yes, please have the church there pray. The more the merrier. :-)
THANKS!!
PS. I'M GONNA BE AN AUNT.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Oops!
I forgot to tell you the most exciting/scary part of my update...
As you know, about 2 months ago, my brother and sister in law lost their 2nd baby to miscarriage. Both miscarriages have come between the 6th and 8th weeks of her pregnancy. After this last pregnancy, she had all the usual things done, just like the first time. The procedure to have the fetus and placenta extracted was the worst part, I'm sure.
Her body was supposed to pull itself back into non-pregnant mode. But she never started her monthly cycle back. They did blood work and her hormone levels were around 800. Which is somewhere between normal and high. They have her some medicine to try and help things along... A few weeks later with no change, they took blood work again and this time it was over 29,000.
One of three things could have happened...
1 - They didn't get all of the placenta out and her body still thought she was pregnant.
2 - Lab error.
3 - She was pregnant.
So she went for an ultrasound... and... she was 6 weeks, 3 days pregnant. Which was a total surprise.
They're hoping that with all the recent discoveries of her genetic disorders and such, that the medicines she would be on this time will help to keep this pregnancy going... we're all hoping. It's scary for them because they haven't completely healed from the last loss. My brother said he doesn't know if he can handle losing another one. :-(
In fact, they were looking into several adoption agencies when they found out she was pregnant.
Please pray for them. She has another ultrasound appointment on Friday. Right now is the most critical time. This is when she lost the other two. So please just pray.
Thanks!!
As you know, about 2 months ago, my brother and sister in law lost their 2nd baby to miscarriage. Both miscarriages have come between the 6th and 8th weeks of her pregnancy. After this last pregnancy, she had all the usual things done, just like the first time. The procedure to have the fetus and placenta extracted was the worst part, I'm sure.
Her body was supposed to pull itself back into non-pregnant mode. But she never started her monthly cycle back. They did blood work and her hormone levels were around 800. Which is somewhere between normal and high. They have her some medicine to try and help things along... A few weeks later with no change, they took blood work again and this time it was over 29,000.
One of three things could have happened...
1 - They didn't get all of the placenta out and her body still thought she was pregnant.
2 - Lab error.
3 - She was pregnant.
So she went for an ultrasound... and... she was 6 weeks, 3 days pregnant. Which was a total surprise.
They're hoping that with all the recent discoveries of her genetic disorders and such, that the medicines she would be on this time will help to keep this pregnancy going... we're all hoping. It's scary for them because they haven't completely healed from the last loss. My brother said he doesn't know if he can handle losing another one. :-(
In fact, they were looking into several adoption agencies when they found out she was pregnant.
Please pray for them. She has another ultrasound appointment on Friday. Right now is the most critical time. This is when she lost the other two. So please just pray.
Thanks!!
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
What I've been up to...
So I have a few minutes... I think I shall ramble...
Not much has been going on. Work is getting better! I'm finally learning everything there is to know, I think. But then again, I learn something new everyday. But I'm learning to manage it all quite well... not bragging, just saying.
Brandon came to visit last weekend. We had fun, even though I'm sure he was bored a lot because there really isn't much to do here and I didn't have a whole lotta money. I'm working very hard at paying things off!!
We did get to go to Nashville while he was here. I have been a few times before, but never just to see the sights, so I found it very interesting. Downtown is a lot of fun. We went to the Hard Rock Cafe, the Wild Horse Saloon, and a bunch of touristy type souveneir shops. We even took a bus tour of downtown that showed all the really important sites like the recording studios and such.
We also took some time to find more local history to explore. Looked for Civil War cemeteries and battlegrounds. And we also went to a Mennonite community. They have a store where they sell lots of really interesting things.
All in all, it was fun. I hope he had fun, too.
Things are church are going great! I'm getting so much out of it. I just enjoy that the congregation I'm involved with now is very much into Bible study and finding ways to use it practically. And I went to a youth planning meeting because I think I want to start getting involved in some chaperoning again. The kids had all kinds of service projects and community evangelism ideas rather than fun/social ideas. That's very encouraging.
A guy from my church was stabbed on Sunday night. He survived, thankfully. He was at a park with his wife and 3 kids. There were 3 guys who were arguing and cursing loudly so he went over to them and asked them nicely to keep it down for the sake of the kids. The 2nd time he had to go over and ask them to either keep it down or take it somewhere else, it got violent. One of the guys stabbed him 3 times in the chest. They didn't get any vital organs, which is a miracle in itself. And he went into surgery Sunday night. He was just released from the hospital today. They said he'll be fine, but that he'll be very sore for a while and won't be able to work for at least a month. The youth was already trying to find ways to raise money for him and his family.
What a blessing it is to be a part of such a loving family of believers. Now I just gotta get myself out of my comfort ruts and stick myself out there and help like everyone else!!!
The lonliness is getting better, too. It comes and goes. Sometimes I think I just really miss that stupid boy. Then other times I know that that stupid boy made his decision. Chose his lifestyle (even though he and others says they'd never choose to live that way). He has tried, with success, on several different occasions to pull me back into his web. Making promises that I KNOW he'll never keep, but I make myself believe there's a way... only to be disappointed again. He's the only man I've ever loved. Been in love with. While it was such a great feeling, I can only look back on it now with such apprehension and misery. No wonder I won't let anyone else get close! But it's on these nights with the beautiful weather that I remember him and the good times the most. The being outside in the dark, walking or driving, listening to music and just talking... Just having someone beside me that is truly interested in what's going on inside my head. I miss that.
Anyway, now that I've depressed you all, I think I'll go read some blogs now.
Not much has been going on. Work is getting better! I'm finally learning everything there is to know, I think. But then again, I learn something new everyday. But I'm learning to manage it all quite well... not bragging, just saying.
Brandon came to visit last weekend. We had fun, even though I'm sure he was bored a lot because there really isn't much to do here and I didn't have a whole lotta money. I'm working very hard at paying things off!!
We did get to go to Nashville while he was here. I have been a few times before, but never just to see the sights, so I found it very interesting. Downtown is a lot of fun. We went to the Hard Rock Cafe, the Wild Horse Saloon, and a bunch of touristy type souveneir shops. We even took a bus tour of downtown that showed all the really important sites like the recording studios and such.
We also took some time to find more local history to explore. Looked for Civil War cemeteries and battlegrounds. And we also went to a Mennonite community. They have a store where they sell lots of really interesting things.
All in all, it was fun. I hope he had fun, too.
Things are church are going great! I'm getting so much out of it. I just enjoy that the congregation I'm involved with now is very much into Bible study and finding ways to use it practically. And I went to a youth planning meeting because I think I want to start getting involved in some chaperoning again. The kids had all kinds of service projects and community evangelism ideas rather than fun/social ideas. That's very encouraging.
A guy from my church was stabbed on Sunday night. He survived, thankfully. He was at a park with his wife and 3 kids. There were 3 guys who were arguing and cursing loudly so he went over to them and asked them nicely to keep it down for the sake of the kids. The 2nd time he had to go over and ask them to either keep it down or take it somewhere else, it got violent. One of the guys stabbed him 3 times in the chest. They didn't get any vital organs, which is a miracle in itself. And he went into surgery Sunday night. He was just released from the hospital today. They said he'll be fine, but that he'll be very sore for a while and won't be able to work for at least a month. The youth was already trying to find ways to raise money for him and his family.
What a blessing it is to be a part of such a loving family of believers. Now I just gotta get myself out of my comfort ruts and stick myself out there and help like everyone else!!!
The lonliness is getting better, too. It comes and goes. Sometimes I think I just really miss that stupid boy. Then other times I know that that stupid boy made his decision. Chose his lifestyle (even though he and others says they'd never choose to live that way). He has tried, with success, on several different occasions to pull me back into his web. Making promises that I KNOW he'll never keep, but I make myself believe there's a way... only to be disappointed again. He's the only man I've ever loved. Been in love with. While it was such a great feeling, I can only look back on it now with such apprehension and misery. No wonder I won't let anyone else get close! But it's on these nights with the beautiful weather that I remember him and the good times the most. The being outside in the dark, walking or driving, listening to music and just talking... Just having someone beside me that is truly interested in what's going on inside my head. I miss that.
Anyway, now that I've depressed you all, I think I'll go read some blogs now.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
so...
...apparently i'm the queen of broken promises.
this time of year makes me happy. and sad. i can't figure it out.
i love the weather here in the evenings. the skies are so clear, it's about 85 degrees, and i love to drive around in my truck with the windows down and the music blaring. and then... i get lonely. and i cry.
i don't know what it is. i just get so lonely this time of year. but yet, i love this time of year.
if anyone can explain this to me, i'd greatly appreciate it.
this time of year makes me happy. and sad. i can't figure it out.
i love the weather here in the evenings. the skies are so clear, it's about 85 degrees, and i love to drive around in my truck with the windows down and the music blaring. and then... i get lonely. and i cry.
i don't know what it is. i just get so lonely this time of year. but yet, i love this time of year.
if anyone can explain this to me, i'd greatly appreciate it.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Well Hello There...
I'm sorry I haven't written. I'll try to do better. I'll also keep promising that over and over...
:-)
My weekend was not so great. I just didn't feel good in general. Somedays I forget I have MS, and then somedays, I forget I was ever normal. And I know that's bad because I don't feel, even on my worse days, what some people with MS feel. Working in the hospital, especially the radiology department, I see people who are affected by MS everyday. Some seem perfectly normal... some make me want to fall on my knees and cry.
Back to my weekend... I just felt weak. Irritable. Just generally yucky. I tried getting around and making the most of it, but I mostly just got too hot. Heat and stress are two very bad agitators of my symptoms.
Friday night I went out to my friend's house to go swimming. It felt good, but I was already exhausted. Then went out with my brother and sister-in-law to TGIFriday's. On a Friday night in a town where there is very little to do, it was a loud busy place. That didn't help. I slept in until like 9am on Saturday, then went grocery shopping with my parents. My mom is disabled so I try to help as much as possible. I had to load all the groceries onto the register conveyor belt, then take them from the bagging racks and put them back in the cart... then get them out to the car and load them into the car, in the heat. My dad wasn't around for this part because he needed a cigarette. He did help load into the car... but by then, I was already spent. But I tried to keep going.
Saturday afternoon, I went to my brother's nephew's birthday party. At Chuck E Cheese's. Yeah, also didn't help. Loud and busy and hot.
Then we went back out to my friend's house for a cookout for my mom's birthday. Again, it felt good, but I just generally got too hot. Then I got stung by the world's largest bumblebee. And it has left a welt on my back the size of my fist. A very red, hot, itchy, sore welt. It hurt so bad. It's weird that you forget how much being stung hurts, until it happens again.
Sunday was good. Enjoyed church. Tried to rest a little, but didn't have much time to.
It's weird that I end up going back to work on Monday's in order to rest Haha! And I have a STRESSFUL job.
And tomorrow, I promise to have a more positive post. I'm sorry for all the negativity, I just needed to share about my no-good-very-bad-feeling-weekend.
Leave me love!
:-)
My weekend was not so great. I just didn't feel good in general. Somedays I forget I have MS, and then somedays, I forget I was ever normal. And I know that's bad because I don't feel, even on my worse days, what some people with MS feel. Working in the hospital, especially the radiology department, I see people who are affected by MS everyday. Some seem perfectly normal... some make me want to fall on my knees and cry.
Back to my weekend... I just felt weak. Irritable. Just generally yucky. I tried getting around and making the most of it, but I mostly just got too hot. Heat and stress are two very bad agitators of my symptoms.
Friday night I went out to my friend's house to go swimming. It felt good, but I was already exhausted. Then went out with my brother and sister-in-law to TGIFriday's. On a Friday night in a town where there is very little to do, it was a loud busy place. That didn't help. I slept in until like 9am on Saturday, then went grocery shopping with my parents. My mom is disabled so I try to help as much as possible. I had to load all the groceries onto the register conveyor belt, then take them from the bagging racks and put them back in the cart... then get them out to the car and load them into the car, in the heat. My dad wasn't around for this part because he needed a cigarette. He did help load into the car... but by then, I was already spent. But I tried to keep going.
Saturday afternoon, I went to my brother's nephew's birthday party. At Chuck E Cheese's. Yeah, also didn't help. Loud and busy and hot.
Then we went back out to my friend's house for a cookout for my mom's birthday. Again, it felt good, but I just generally got too hot. Then I got stung by the world's largest bumblebee. And it has left a welt on my back the size of my fist. A very red, hot, itchy, sore welt. It hurt so bad. It's weird that you forget how much being stung hurts, until it happens again.
Sunday was good. Enjoyed church. Tried to rest a little, but didn't have much time to.
It's weird that I end up going back to work on Monday's in order to rest Haha! And I have a STRESSFUL job.
And tomorrow, I promise to have a more positive post. I'm sorry for all the negativity, I just needed to share about my no-good-very-bad-feeling-weekend.
Leave me love!
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
3 years in the making...
Thanks to Court for helping to edit this.
I open my eyes from a restless sleep, hoping to find myself somewhere other than where I lay down. But, once again, I awaken to the same darkness and hopelessness that has consumed my life since before I can remember. Counting the days of my imprisonment is nothing but futile because the days are immeasurable. I've become numb. I'm at home being in this…hole. Practically comfortable. The dirt under my body is familiar and I've let the walls become my shelter from the outside light. I glance up in wonder. Is today the day I decide to find my way out? All I see is darkness and it consumes me. There was a time when I could see the opening of this pit, but lately it is far from visible and my eyes can no longer focus the distance. Even my memory's view of the path that led me here has faded and I can no longer recognize it.
As I try to stand, the heavy chains that bind my hands and feet clank, their echo filling this once quiet cave with deafening sound. On my feet, I begin my routine. My hands search the darkness for the shovel resting against the wall and, like every other day, I begin to dig. I don't know why I dig, I have no destination, no goal. I just need something to occupy my days, hours, minutes…every second. Every thought.
Even though I've learned to work around the chains, I feel them become tighter and heavier with each load of dirt. Without fail, every time the shovel grazes the earth, the darkness deepens and the temperature drops. And I become more and more aware of how alone I am with each stroke. More than once the sadness overcomes me and I fall to my knees. This time the frustration gets the best of me and I throw down the shovel and scream.
My voice echoes in the emptiness. A chill comes over me in realization that the voice of utter desperation is my own. It has been so long since I've decided to use my voice. Why speak when no one is there to listen? To care? Screaming again, I'm slightly comforted by the sound of my cries. I am still alive. I didn't know it was important for me to realize this… but it is. And now I can feel a presence around me. Am I crazy? Is there someone else here with me?
"Hello?! Who's there?"
There is no reply. I reach my hand out and lean against the wall. As I drag my chains, my eyes begin to fill with tears. I am crazy! There is no one here. I am completely alone. I pause and laugh. I know no one else can be here because I dug this hole myself. And yet, I still feel it. A presence.
I wrestle with my thoughts for several hours and decide to ask again. If there is no one around, there is no one to see my failure if I am wrong. What do I have to lose?
"I know you're there. Please show yourself."
A gentle, sweet smelling breeze rushes past me. I brace myself by placing my hand on the wall and I realize something is different. I can see my hand. There is now a faint light filling the darkness. I can't see where it is coming from. Fear and determination battle within me and I spin around in desperation to find the source of the light. Light will bring warmth, light will bring direction, light will bring hope.
Suddenly I feel a hand on my shoulder from behind. My body feels as if it has been turned to stone, I can't move, I'm terrified.
"Do not be afraid," the presence begins, " I will not harm you."
I turn around, seeking the face of the person who has invaded my darkness. I see nothing physical, only light. I can now see every wall, I can see the ground, I can see myself and my filth. But, I can not see where the light has come from.
"Who are you?" I ask in a bold voice, seeking to protect my domain.
"A friend."
I snicker at his reply. "How can you be a friend? I don't know you! You won't even allow me to see your face!"
"But, I know you. And I love you. I always have. I am here because you need me. You called out to me," the gentle voice says.
"When? I didn't call for anyone. I don't need you, I don't need anyone!" I begin to yell. The reality that this stranger assumes that I need something from anyone overcomes me and I burn with anger.
"The only way out of this darkness is through me. You do need me," he says in patience.
"I don't want to leave here. This is my home. It's all I know. I made it!" I say, rather unconvincingly. And surprising myself, I begin to cry.
I feel him embrace me. His arms are warm and kind as they surround me. A feeling of absolute peace comes over me as I cry into his invisible chest. With my eyes clenched shut, I can imagine his face. His beautiful, piercing eyes begin to fill with tears and I feel him cry with me.
"What is there outside of this place?" I ask with childlike curiosity. "I've been here so long I've forgotten what it's like not to have these chains. I've forgotten what it's like to be free."
"Out there… there are many paths. Some will lead you home, some will lead you to places such as this." He pauses and touches my face. I open my eyes with a look of fear and uncertainty. I can see his face with my eyes open now.
Sensing my apprehension, he smiles reassuringly and continues, "I'm here to show you the way home."
"What do I have to do?" I ask.
"I've already chosen the right road for you, just follow it and trust that I will get you to where you belong. Everything else will be taken care of." He kneels down before me and touches the chains around my feet. They unlock, unclasp, and fall limply to the ground. He reaches up to the chains that are restraining my hands. They, too, unlock and crash amid the others at my feet. I stare down at them in disbelief. I bend down to pick them up. Their weight is familiar.
"You are my child. No matter what happens to you, as long as your eyes are fixed on my face and the goal I have set before you, you will be safe and at peace."
"What is my goal? Is it hard?"
"Your goal is to get to the places I need you to be. And to do the things I have called you to do. It will not be easy, but I will not leave you alone. I have other children out there. You all have my instructions written out for you. Study them, meditate on them, and keep my words on your heart. If you do these things, I have no doubt that you will meet me at home."
"Meet you? You mean… You're not coming with me?"
"I will be with you in Spirit. Trust in me and you will have all you need."
"When do I begin?"
"You begin as soon as you lay those chains in my arms and get on your way." He said with a painful smile. I suddenly remembered I was still holding on the source of my bondage. I looked down at them, they had been with me so long that I wasn't sure how to let go of them. While it was true I had been freed, I wasn't comfortable with letting my deliverer own the sources of my pain and imprisonment.
"I'll go. But I want to carry these with me," I said holding tight to the shackles. "I want them to serve as a reminder of where I've been. A reminder of a place in which I never want to find myself again."
"No. I must take them from you. It is my purpose. Your journey will be long and these things will only slow you down. Your hands and feet are no longer bound; let that serve as your reminder instead."
Convinced, I lay the heavy chains in his arms. The moment the weight is lifted from my arms and placed into his, my environment changes. We are no longer in darkness but surrounded by light and color. There are fields of grass and flowers. There are waves crashing on a sandy beach. I have never known a joy such as I felt in this instance.
In my happiness I turn to look on the man who saved my life. His face is contorted with pain, and blood is running from wounds on his head, hands, and feet. Yet he still smiles at me and looks into my eyes. A look of such love and mercy I have never known before.
"Remember, you are mine. I am always listening for you to call my name."
"Your name. Right. I'm sorry, I forgot to ask…"
"My name… is Yeshua."
I open my eyes from a restless sleep, hoping to find myself somewhere other than where I lay down. But, once again, I awaken to the same darkness and hopelessness that has consumed my life since before I can remember. Counting the days of my imprisonment is nothing but futile because the days are immeasurable. I've become numb. I'm at home being in this…hole. Practically comfortable. The dirt under my body is familiar and I've let the walls become my shelter from the outside light. I glance up in wonder. Is today the day I decide to find my way out? All I see is darkness and it consumes me. There was a time when I could see the opening of this pit, but lately it is far from visible and my eyes can no longer focus the distance. Even my memory's view of the path that led me here has faded and I can no longer recognize it.
As I try to stand, the heavy chains that bind my hands and feet clank, their echo filling this once quiet cave with deafening sound. On my feet, I begin my routine. My hands search the darkness for the shovel resting against the wall and, like every other day, I begin to dig. I don't know why I dig, I have no destination, no goal. I just need something to occupy my days, hours, minutes…every second. Every thought.
Even though I've learned to work around the chains, I feel them become tighter and heavier with each load of dirt. Without fail, every time the shovel grazes the earth, the darkness deepens and the temperature drops. And I become more and more aware of how alone I am with each stroke. More than once the sadness overcomes me and I fall to my knees. This time the frustration gets the best of me and I throw down the shovel and scream.
My voice echoes in the emptiness. A chill comes over me in realization that the voice of utter desperation is my own. It has been so long since I've decided to use my voice. Why speak when no one is there to listen? To care? Screaming again, I'm slightly comforted by the sound of my cries. I am still alive. I didn't know it was important for me to realize this… but it is. And now I can feel a presence around me. Am I crazy? Is there someone else here with me?
"Hello?! Who's there?"
There is no reply. I reach my hand out and lean against the wall. As I drag my chains, my eyes begin to fill with tears. I am crazy! There is no one here. I am completely alone. I pause and laugh. I know no one else can be here because I dug this hole myself. And yet, I still feel it. A presence.
I wrestle with my thoughts for several hours and decide to ask again. If there is no one around, there is no one to see my failure if I am wrong. What do I have to lose?
"I know you're there. Please show yourself."
A gentle, sweet smelling breeze rushes past me. I brace myself by placing my hand on the wall and I realize something is different. I can see my hand. There is now a faint light filling the darkness. I can't see where it is coming from. Fear and determination battle within me and I spin around in desperation to find the source of the light. Light will bring warmth, light will bring direction, light will bring hope.
Suddenly I feel a hand on my shoulder from behind. My body feels as if it has been turned to stone, I can't move, I'm terrified.
"Do not be afraid," the presence begins, " I will not harm you."
I turn around, seeking the face of the person who has invaded my darkness. I see nothing physical, only light. I can now see every wall, I can see the ground, I can see myself and my filth. But, I can not see where the light has come from.
"Who are you?" I ask in a bold voice, seeking to protect my domain.
"A friend."
I snicker at his reply. "How can you be a friend? I don't know you! You won't even allow me to see your face!"
"But, I know you. And I love you. I always have. I am here because you need me. You called out to me," the gentle voice says.
"When? I didn't call for anyone. I don't need you, I don't need anyone!" I begin to yell. The reality that this stranger assumes that I need something from anyone overcomes me and I burn with anger.
"The only way out of this darkness is through me. You do need me," he says in patience.
"I don't want to leave here. This is my home. It's all I know. I made it!" I say, rather unconvincingly. And surprising myself, I begin to cry.
I feel him embrace me. His arms are warm and kind as they surround me. A feeling of absolute peace comes over me as I cry into his invisible chest. With my eyes clenched shut, I can imagine his face. His beautiful, piercing eyes begin to fill with tears and I feel him cry with me.
"What is there outside of this place?" I ask with childlike curiosity. "I've been here so long I've forgotten what it's like not to have these chains. I've forgotten what it's like to be free."
"Out there… there are many paths. Some will lead you home, some will lead you to places such as this." He pauses and touches my face. I open my eyes with a look of fear and uncertainty. I can see his face with my eyes open now.
Sensing my apprehension, he smiles reassuringly and continues, "I'm here to show you the way home."
"What do I have to do?" I ask.
"I've already chosen the right road for you, just follow it and trust that I will get you to where you belong. Everything else will be taken care of." He kneels down before me and touches the chains around my feet. They unlock, unclasp, and fall limply to the ground. He reaches up to the chains that are restraining my hands. They, too, unlock and crash amid the others at my feet. I stare down at them in disbelief. I bend down to pick them up. Their weight is familiar.
"You are my child. No matter what happens to you, as long as your eyes are fixed on my face and the goal I have set before you, you will be safe and at peace."
"What is my goal? Is it hard?"
"Your goal is to get to the places I need you to be. And to do the things I have called you to do. It will not be easy, but I will not leave you alone. I have other children out there. You all have my instructions written out for you. Study them, meditate on them, and keep my words on your heart. If you do these things, I have no doubt that you will meet me at home."
"Meet you? You mean… You're not coming with me?"
"I will be with you in Spirit. Trust in me and you will have all you need."
"When do I begin?"
"You begin as soon as you lay those chains in my arms and get on your way." He said with a painful smile. I suddenly remembered I was still holding on the source of my bondage. I looked down at them, they had been with me so long that I wasn't sure how to let go of them. While it was true I had been freed, I wasn't comfortable with letting my deliverer own the sources of my pain and imprisonment.
"I'll go. But I want to carry these with me," I said holding tight to the shackles. "I want them to serve as a reminder of where I've been. A reminder of a place in which I never want to find myself again."
"No. I must take them from you. It is my purpose. Your journey will be long and these things will only slow you down. Your hands and feet are no longer bound; let that serve as your reminder instead."
Convinced, I lay the heavy chains in his arms. The moment the weight is lifted from my arms and placed into his, my environment changes. We are no longer in darkness but surrounded by light and color. There are fields of grass and flowers. There are waves crashing on a sandy beach. I have never known a joy such as I felt in this instance.
In my happiness I turn to look on the man who saved my life. His face is contorted with pain, and blood is running from wounds on his head, hands, and feet. Yet he still smiles at me and looks into my eyes. A look of such love and mercy I have never known before.
"Remember, you are mine. I am always listening for you to call my name."
"Your name. Right. I'm sorry, I forgot to ask…"
"My name… is Yeshua."
Monday, July 21, 2008
Weak.
On the days when my pride outweighs my will to do right, open the door to Your throne room. Let me in on Your love for me. Hold me in Your arms, Father, and wipe away tears from my eyes.
When my sinful desires push aside my weak conscience, open the door to Your throne room. Lord, save a place for me at Your feet. You know it all before I say it. But Lord, let me say it.
Use the confessions from my mouth, bring healing to my aching heart. Look at me with eyes of deliverance. Redeem my unworthiness. Touch my face with Your nurturing hand; my flesh torn by sin will heal again.
My heart's strength to stand firm is dwarfed by Satan's great drive, open the door to Your throne room. God, allow me to rest in Your peace. Help me to end this frantic search for ways to unlock Your love's open door.
When I'm plagued by temptation and searching for escape, open the door to Your throne room. Replace my dark thoughts with Your great light. Reflect Your love and wisdom in every decision I try to make.
Use the confessions from my mouth, bring healing to my aching heart. Look at me with eyes of deliverance. Redeem my unworthiness. Touch my face with Your nurturing hand; my flesh torn by sin will heal again.
When my sinful desires push aside my weak conscience, open the door to Your throne room. Lord, save a place for me at Your feet. You know it all before I say it. But Lord, let me say it.
Use the confessions from my mouth, bring healing to my aching heart. Look at me with eyes of deliverance. Redeem my unworthiness. Touch my face with Your nurturing hand; my flesh torn by sin will heal again.
My heart's strength to stand firm is dwarfed by Satan's great drive, open the door to Your throne room. God, allow me to rest in Your peace. Help me to end this frantic search for ways to unlock Your love's open door.
When I'm plagued by temptation and searching for escape, open the door to Your throne room. Replace my dark thoughts with Your great light. Reflect Your love and wisdom in every decision I try to make.
Use the confessions from my mouth, bring healing to my aching heart. Look at me with eyes of deliverance. Redeem my unworthiness. Touch my face with Your nurturing hand; my flesh torn by sin will heal again.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
For All You've Done
I don't know who wrote this song, but it has really touched me. The more I listen to it, the more I love it. It's on one of my Zoe Group Acapella CDs and I enjoy it very much. :-)
Oh, Cleanser of the mess I've made,
Upon the hill our places trade.
Stretched on a cross, Your body crushed,
By human hands You formed from dust.
How wonderful Your mercy is!
How awesome are Your ways!
I come, I come to worship You
For all You've done.
Oh, Cleanser of the mess I've made,
Your boundless love for me portrayed.
With patience for my learning curve,
By holding back what I deserve.
How wonderful Your mercy is!
How awesome are Your ways!
I come, I come to worship You
For all You've done.
Oh, Cleanser of the mess I've made,
With everything at Your feet laid.
I watch as all my cares erode,
As from my soul these words explode!
Oh, how wonderful Your mercy is!
How awesome are Your ways!
I come, I come to worship You
For all You've done.
Oh, Cleanser of the mess I've made,
Upon the hill our places trade.
Stretched on a cross, Your body crushed,
By human hands You formed from dust.
How wonderful Your mercy is!
How awesome are Your ways!
I come, I come to worship You
For all You've done.
Oh, Cleanser of the mess I've made,
Your boundless love for me portrayed.
With patience for my learning curve,
By holding back what I deserve.
How wonderful Your mercy is!
How awesome are Your ways!
I come, I come to worship You
For all You've done.
Oh, Cleanser of the mess I've made,
With everything at Your feet laid.
I watch as all my cares erode,
As from my soul these words explode!
Oh, how wonderful Your mercy is!
How awesome are Your ways!
I come, I come to worship You
For all You've done.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Update on Dad...
Dad seems to be doing much better. He is sleeping a lot because he's on a lot of different medications, but I think the spasms have not been as often and the pain is subsiding.
That makes me happy. I was worried about him. I was really hoping he didn't tear something up in his back. I believe he has a dr's appt today, so we'll see what comes of that.
Thanks to everyone for their prayers. It's awesome that I can put up a post asking for prayers and know that whoever reads it will actually pray. I have the best friends.
Thanks again.
That makes me happy. I was worried about him. I was really hoping he didn't tear something up in his back. I believe he has a dr's appt today, so we'll see what comes of that.
Thanks to everyone for their prayers. It's awesome that I can put up a post asking for prayers and know that whoever reads it will actually pray. I have the best friends.
Thanks again.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Journaling
I used to journal a lot. Just write everything out. Some things turned into prayers. Some things into poetry. And some things into songs. Songs with no tune, only lyrics, because I'm bad at creating original tunes. Haha.
Well, someone once told me that it's good to go back and read what you've written years ago, just to see how things have changed and how God has worked in your life. It's good to see how the things that bothered you back then and asked for relief from years ago seem like child's play to you now. Just goes to show how much God loves us and cares for us and really does listen to us. And most of all that His way is always best.
I came across something that I wrote out a few years back. Not exactly sure when it was written. It was from back in a time when I was struggling with a lot of things. I wanted so much to go the way of the world and be a party girl and say that everything was alright for everyone as long as it made them happy.
I no longer feel this way, but I thought it'd be interesting to share. I don't often let people in on the real me and I thought it'd be interesting for people to see some of the darkness I've battled.
I'm glad I've discovered God's way is best. Some people aren't so blessed.
As I climb to the top of the hill to gaze at the moon a long but silent howl escapes from the bottom of my soul. I suddenly realize what it is that's been bothering me.
Suppressing thoughts and actions that would only feed the social werewolf that is my Jekyl and Hyde-ness.
Belief in You, my Higher Power, and in what You want for my life is suddenly not enough to sustain me in this void. Is it selfishness, boredom? What makes me feel this way? Is it envy that I was never brave enough to try things in my youth? I want to experience all thigns of life, this life, before I approach the next.
Is that so bad? Is that so wrong? It's what I've wanted all along. This world You created, and it's this world I long to know.
You tell me Heaven is better, and that I should hold out; but will the things I want to experience on Earth even be there? Heaven is for Your children, so they can live and praise You forever. What is this world for? Everything enticing and I feel of worth is forbidden.
Why have You laid all this before me, and told me not to touch? I feel like a starving child forced to sit and watch others eat. I watch them eat all my favorite foods. The rich, sweet tastes of pleasure that I long to have now before tasting the rich, sweet rewards You have promised.
Is that so bad? Is that so wrong? It's what I've wanted all along. This world You created, and it's this world I long to know.
In passing up the pleasures You refer to as sin, I only find myself committing different ones. Jealousy of others for their experience. Hatred towards those who don't seem to fear doing all the things that I've been warned against.
Please deliver me from this split devotion; devotion to the world and having a good time only pulls me away from You, my Savior. Yet, devotion to You and living in the ways You've intended for me only pulls me away from everything I've ever wanted.
Is that so bad? Is that so wrong? It's what I've wanted all along. This world You created, and it's this world I long to know.
I'm sorry. I know You should be all I ever want, but it's so hard to know You when I can't see You.
I need a sign of life, more than a feeling. Are you there?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Well, someone once told me that it's good to go back and read what you've written years ago, just to see how things have changed and how God has worked in your life. It's good to see how the things that bothered you back then and asked for relief from years ago seem like child's play to you now. Just goes to show how much God loves us and cares for us and really does listen to us. And most of all that His way is always best.
I came across something that I wrote out a few years back. Not exactly sure when it was written. It was from back in a time when I was struggling with a lot of things. I wanted so much to go the way of the world and be a party girl and say that everything was alright for everyone as long as it made them happy.
I no longer feel this way, but I thought it'd be interesting to share. I don't often let people in on the real me and I thought it'd be interesting for people to see some of the darkness I've battled.
I'm glad I've discovered God's way is best. Some people aren't so blessed.
As I climb to the top of the hill to gaze at the moon a long but silent howl escapes from the bottom of my soul. I suddenly realize what it is that's been bothering me.
Suppressing thoughts and actions that would only feed the social werewolf that is my Jekyl and Hyde-ness.
Belief in You, my Higher Power, and in what You want for my life is suddenly not enough to sustain me in this void. Is it selfishness, boredom? What makes me feel this way? Is it envy that I was never brave enough to try things in my youth? I want to experience all thigns of life, this life, before I approach the next.
Is that so bad? Is that so wrong? It's what I've wanted all along. This world You created, and it's this world I long to know.
You tell me Heaven is better, and that I should hold out; but will the things I want to experience on Earth even be there? Heaven is for Your children, so they can live and praise You forever. What is this world for? Everything enticing and I feel of worth is forbidden.
Why have You laid all this before me, and told me not to touch? I feel like a starving child forced to sit and watch others eat. I watch them eat all my favorite foods. The rich, sweet tastes of pleasure that I long to have now before tasting the rich, sweet rewards You have promised.
Is that so bad? Is that so wrong? It's what I've wanted all along. This world You created, and it's this world I long to know.
In passing up the pleasures You refer to as sin, I only find myself committing different ones. Jealousy of others for their experience. Hatred towards those who don't seem to fear doing all the things that I've been warned against.
Please deliver me from this split devotion; devotion to the world and having a good time only pulls me away from You, my Savior. Yet, devotion to You and living in the ways You've intended for me only pulls me away from everything I've ever wanted.
Is that so bad? Is that so wrong? It's what I've wanted all along. This world You created, and it's this world I long to know.
I'm sorry. I know You should be all I ever want, but it's so hard to know You when I can't see You.
I need a sign of life, more than a feeling. Are you there?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Dad Vs The Wild
So... My dad decided to go "Float the Buffalo" with the kiddos at church last Saturday. Basically, it's getting in a little boat and braving the rapids. Well, we all know that nature and man don't always exist in harmony...
Dad, his cousin Mark, and Mark's 12 year old daughter Rachel were in a boat together. They were doing well and having a grand time until Rachel looks up at a tree they were heading towards and yells "SNAKE!". Before they knew it, the snake fell from the tree and into to the boat. I'm inclined to think the snake jumped. That's they way it plays out in my head.
Luckily... No one was bitten, despite the many attempts by the snake. Basically chaos broke out in the boat and the boat was flipped, and all three occupants were sent into the water... to get away from the snake... that was now also in the water with them. :-)
To make a long story short... the current took the boat, the boat took my dad, and my dad took a tree to the back. He is in a lot of pain and could definitely use your prayers.
Sunday he was pretty sore. Monday he went to work and they sent him home. So he went to the doctor who took an xray and told him no ribs were broken and sent him home. Tuesday he went back to work. Tuesday night he paid for it. He was in so much pain he was shaking. And then he kept falling down from it all. The pain was just so much to bear that his legs would give out and he'd just fall to his knees. So we took him to the ER. They gave him a pain reliever, an anti-inflammatory/steroid, and a muscle relaxer. It all helped to ease the pain. He still hurts, but is doing much better under the supervision of medication. :-)
If he continues to hurt, though, he'll need to go in for an MRI and see if he has any muscle damage. They took more xrays in the ER and determined there was no spinal damage, which is a relief.
Please pray for his healing. My family thanks you. :-)
Dad, his cousin Mark, and Mark's 12 year old daughter Rachel were in a boat together. They were doing well and having a grand time until Rachel looks up at a tree they were heading towards and yells "SNAKE!". Before they knew it, the snake fell from the tree and into to the boat. I'm inclined to think the snake jumped. That's they way it plays out in my head.
Luckily... No one was bitten, despite the many attempts by the snake. Basically chaos broke out in the boat and the boat was flipped, and all three occupants were sent into the water... to get away from the snake... that was now also in the water with them. :-)
To make a long story short... the current took the boat, the boat took my dad, and my dad took a tree to the back. He is in a lot of pain and could definitely use your prayers.
Sunday he was pretty sore. Monday he went to work and they sent him home. So he went to the doctor who took an xray and told him no ribs were broken and sent him home. Tuesday he went back to work. Tuesday night he paid for it. He was in so much pain he was shaking. And then he kept falling down from it all. The pain was just so much to bear that his legs would give out and he'd just fall to his knees. So we took him to the ER. They gave him a pain reliever, an anti-inflammatory/steroid, and a muscle relaxer. It all helped to ease the pain. He still hurts, but is doing much better under the supervision of medication. :-)
If he continues to hurt, though, he'll need to go in for an MRI and see if he has any muscle damage. They took more xrays in the ER and determined there was no spinal damage, which is a relief.
Please pray for his healing. My family thanks you. :-)
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Wow.
Here I am. Late again. I thought I would write more often, and I think of things all the time to put in here... but then the moment passes by and I forget.
And now that I'm here, I have nothing to say...
Things at work have been going well. I have finally caught on to everything. I know that sometimes I get a little stressed out and take it out on people around me. I've gotta stop doing that. Please pray for me.
I feel blessed that I have made a couple of friends here now. I don't mean that I haven't had friends the entire time I've been here. I've had friends at work, but no one that I really connected with. But I've found a few girls that I have connected with and I'm so thankful for that. I don't open myself up and let people in often, so this is big news for me.
On a comical note, I tripped over a mat and fell hard on Friday afternoon at work. In front of about 10 people that I have to see everyday. No one laughed. At least not to my face. It's alright if they laughed while I wasn't there. I was laughing too. I said I was sad to be on the side of it that I was, because I bet it was funny and that I would have liked to have seen it. I'm weird, I know. I can laugh about it now. So if you're reading this, and you saw it happen, I'm okay with it... You can laugh at me. :-) I'll laugh too. And thank you for not laughing in my face.
Alright... Well, I think I'll try and get some sleep. I was sleepy earlier, but it was WAY too early to go to bed. And now that it's closer to bed time, I'm awake. Such is life.
Take care, leave me comments and let me know there is someone actually reading this garbage. :-)
And now that I'm here, I have nothing to say...
Things at work have been going well. I have finally caught on to everything. I know that sometimes I get a little stressed out and take it out on people around me. I've gotta stop doing that. Please pray for me.
I feel blessed that I have made a couple of friends here now. I don't mean that I haven't had friends the entire time I've been here. I've had friends at work, but no one that I really connected with. But I've found a few girls that I have connected with and I'm so thankful for that. I don't open myself up and let people in often, so this is big news for me.
On a comical note, I tripped over a mat and fell hard on Friday afternoon at work. In front of about 10 people that I have to see everyday. No one laughed. At least not to my face. It's alright if they laughed while I wasn't there. I was laughing too. I said I was sad to be on the side of it that I was, because I bet it was funny and that I would have liked to have seen it. I'm weird, I know. I can laugh about it now. So if you're reading this, and you saw it happen, I'm okay with it... You can laugh at me. :-) I'll laugh too. And thank you for not laughing in my face.
Alright... Well, I think I'll try and get some sleep. I was sleepy earlier, but it was WAY too early to go to bed. And now that it's closer to bed time, I'm awake. Such is life.
Take care, leave me comments and let me know there is someone actually reading this garbage. :-)
Monday, June 23, 2008
Jealous kind...
by Jars of Clay...
I built another temple to a stranger
I gave away my heart to the rushing wind
I set my course to run right into danger
Sought the company of fools instead of friends
You know I've been unfaithful
Lovers in lines
While you're turning over tables with the rage of a jealous kind
I chose the gallows to the aisle
Thought that love would never find
Hanging ropes will never keep you
And your love of a jealous kind
Love of a jealous kind
Trying to jump away from rock that keeps on spreading
For solace in the shift of the sinking sand
I'd rather feel the pain all too familiar
Than to be broken by a lover I don't understand
'Cause I don't understand
One hundred other lovers, more, one hundred other altars
If I should slow my pace and finally subject me to grace
And love that shames the wise, betrays the heart's deceit and lies
And breaks the back of foolish pride
I built another temple to a stranger
I gave away my heart to the rushing wind
I set my course to run right into danger
Sought the company of fools instead of friends
You know I've been unfaithful
Lovers in lines
While you're turning over tables with the rage of a jealous kind
I chose the gallows to the aisle
Thought that love would never find
Hanging ropes will never keep you
And your love of a jealous kind
Love of a jealous kind
Trying to jump away from rock that keeps on spreading
For solace in the shift of the sinking sand
I'd rather feel the pain all too familiar
Than to be broken by a lover I don't understand
'Cause I don't understand
One hundred other lovers, more, one hundred other altars
If I should slow my pace and finally subject me to grace
And love that shames the wise, betrays the heart's deceit and lies
And breaks the back of foolish pride
Sunday, June 22, 2008
I wanted to tell you...
I wanted to tell you that I know I haven't written much lately. And that I'm sorry...
I wanted to tell you that I accepted a new position at work. It's a day shift position. I was working 2nd shift, which wasn't so bad, but I'm very happy to have my evenings free again.
I wanted to tell you that in accepting this position I had been working 10 hour days for a while. Going in early to train for my new job and then working my current job.
I wanted to tell you that I enjoyed the overtime paychecks. I paid off bills. I paid off one of my medical bills (although there are still plenty that I'm ignoring), I paid of my actual Oklahoma Christian bill (although there is still a huge goverment student loan looming over me). But that I felt accomplished.
I wanted to tell you that even though I'm paranoid about my laptop, I forgot, for one night to unplug it and it got zapped by lightning. I wanted to tell you that I was/am sad. I miss it.
I wanted to tell you I was ashamed at myself because I felt a deep sense of loss from the death of the laptop. And that I realized I cared more about losing the laptop than I did about not being able to find my Bible for over a month. That hurt me deeply. I prayed about it... I'm forgiven. And my Bible has been within arms reach ever since then. It's proven to be quite an asset.
I wanted to tell you that my brother and sister-in-law are expecting again. And that everyone was excited. And that everything was pointing towards a healthy pregnancy. And that we all breathed a sigh of relief.
I wanted to tell you that on their 2nd doctor appointment (just a week and a half after the first with such great news) they didn't hear the heartbeat. This is the second baby they've lost in 2 years. And that they're (we're all) heartbroken.
I wanted to tell you that they need your prayers because there is a lot of confusion and anger right now. Tim told me he was angry at God because it wasn't fair to Lindsey. She wants to be a mom so much. Tim also told me that he didn't even want to try again if it meant losing another, because it breaks his heart every night when he has to hold Lindsey and let her cry herself to sleep.
I wanted to tell you that they're doing better, but still need prayers. Please pray for them.
I wanted to tell you that I've placed membership with the Crosswinds church of Christ. And that I enjoy them very much.
There are a lot of things I've been wanting to tell you, but haven't had the time, energy, or emotion to do so. I'm sorry for the long silence.
I wanted to tell you that I accepted a new position at work. It's a day shift position. I was working 2nd shift, which wasn't so bad, but I'm very happy to have my evenings free again.
I wanted to tell you that in accepting this position I had been working 10 hour days for a while. Going in early to train for my new job and then working my current job.
I wanted to tell you that I enjoyed the overtime paychecks. I paid off bills. I paid off one of my medical bills (although there are still plenty that I'm ignoring), I paid of my actual Oklahoma Christian bill (although there is still a huge goverment student loan looming over me). But that I felt accomplished.
I wanted to tell you that even though I'm paranoid about my laptop, I forgot, for one night to unplug it and it got zapped by lightning. I wanted to tell you that I was/am sad. I miss it.
I wanted to tell you I was ashamed at myself because I felt a deep sense of loss from the death of the laptop. And that I realized I cared more about losing the laptop than I did about not being able to find my Bible for over a month. That hurt me deeply. I prayed about it... I'm forgiven. And my Bible has been within arms reach ever since then. It's proven to be quite an asset.
I wanted to tell you that my brother and sister-in-law are expecting again. And that everyone was excited. And that everything was pointing towards a healthy pregnancy. And that we all breathed a sigh of relief.
I wanted to tell you that on their 2nd doctor appointment (just a week and a half after the first with such great news) they didn't hear the heartbeat. This is the second baby they've lost in 2 years. And that they're (we're all) heartbroken.
I wanted to tell you that they need your prayers because there is a lot of confusion and anger right now. Tim told me he was angry at God because it wasn't fair to Lindsey. She wants to be a mom so much. Tim also told me that he didn't even want to try again if it meant losing another, because it breaks his heart every night when he has to hold Lindsey and let her cry herself to sleep.
I wanted to tell you that they're doing better, but still need prayers. Please pray for them.
I wanted to tell you that I've placed membership with the Crosswinds church of Christ. And that I enjoy them very much.
There are a lot of things I've been wanting to tell you, but haven't had the time, energy, or emotion to do so. I'm sorry for the long silence.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
I miss you. But you won't even read this...
I lost a piece of me in you, I think I left it in your arms.
I forget the reasons I got scared, but remember that I cared quite a lot.
You see, but lately, I've been on my own. Yeah one, but one by choice. You see, that's a first for me. There's only me, yeah, there's only me. And now I realize for once, It's just me.
And I'll find a way to make it, there's no one left to stop me. Here I go. Can we take it from the top?
So why so long? So sad, I wanna be strong. Don't try to take this from me. I've already spent living half my life undone. So why so long? So sad, I wanna be strong. Don't try to take this from me. I've already spent my life living half undone.
I've been talking to my aunts and uncles, mom and dad again. I've been finding out that I have what this world has called friends. I've tried to push them all away, they push back and wanna stay and that's one good thing I have.
I'm gonna feel a peace in me, I'm gonna feel at home. I'm gonna make this cloud above me disappear, be gone. I wanna feel a punch inside, my heart beat on the floor. I don't wanna hurt no more.
Yeah, it's just me. It's just me. And I'll find a way to make it. There's no one left to stop me. Here I go. Can we take it from the top?
So why so long? So sad, I wanna be strong. Don't try to take this from me. I've already spent my life living half undone. So why so long? So sad, I wanna be srong.
Don't try to take this from me. I've already spent my life living half undone.
I used to be the one who won before. I used to smile, but don't no more. I'm living just to watch it all go by.
~Blue October
I forget the reasons I got scared, but remember that I cared quite a lot.
You see, but lately, I've been on my own. Yeah one, but one by choice. You see, that's a first for me. There's only me, yeah, there's only me. And now I realize for once, It's just me.
And I'll find a way to make it, there's no one left to stop me. Here I go. Can we take it from the top?
So why so long? So sad, I wanna be strong. Don't try to take this from me. I've already spent living half my life undone. So why so long? So sad, I wanna be strong. Don't try to take this from me. I've already spent my life living half undone.
I've been talking to my aunts and uncles, mom and dad again. I've been finding out that I have what this world has called friends. I've tried to push them all away, they push back and wanna stay and that's one good thing I have.
I'm gonna feel a peace in me, I'm gonna feel at home. I'm gonna make this cloud above me disappear, be gone. I wanna feel a punch inside, my heart beat on the floor. I don't wanna hurt no more.
Yeah, it's just me. It's just me. And I'll find a way to make it. There's no one left to stop me. Here I go. Can we take it from the top?
So why so long? So sad, I wanna be strong. Don't try to take this from me. I've already spent my life living half undone. So why so long? So sad, I wanna be srong.
Don't try to take this from me. I've already spent my life living half undone.
I used to be the one who won before. I used to smile, but don't no more. I'm living just to watch it all go by.
~Blue October
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
lately...
This town is colder now,
I think it's sick of us.
It's time to make our move,
I'm shaking off the rust.
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here.
I'm staring down myself,
Counting up the years.
Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me.
Time to make one last appeal...
For the life I lead.
Stop and Stare
I think I'm moving but I go no where.
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and Stare
You start to wonder why you're here, not there
And you give anything to get what's fair.
But fair ain't what you really need.
Oh, can you see what I see?
They're trying to come back,
All my senses push.
Untie the weight bags, I never thought I could.
Steady feet, don't fail me now.
Gonna run til you can't walk.
Something pulls my focus out.
And I"m standing down...
Stop and Stare
I think I'm moving but I go no where.
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and Stare
You start to wonder why you're here, not there.
And you'd give anything to get what's fair.
But fair ain't what you really need.
Oh, you don't need...
What you need, what you need...
Stop and Stare
I think I'm moving but I go no where.
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be.
Oh, do you see what I see....?
~OneRepublic
I think it's sick of us.
It's time to make our move,
I'm shaking off the rust.
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here.
I'm staring down myself,
Counting up the years.
Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me.
Time to make one last appeal...
For the life I lead.
Stop and Stare
I think I'm moving but I go no where.
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and Stare
You start to wonder why you're here, not there
And you give anything to get what's fair.
But fair ain't what you really need.
Oh, can you see what I see?
They're trying to come back,
All my senses push.
Untie the weight bags, I never thought I could.
Steady feet, don't fail me now.
Gonna run til you can't walk.
Something pulls my focus out.
And I"m standing down...
Stop and Stare
I think I'm moving but I go no where.
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and Stare
You start to wonder why you're here, not there.
And you'd give anything to get what's fair.
But fair ain't what you really need.
Oh, you don't need...
What you need, what you need...
Stop and Stare
I think I'm moving but I go no where.
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be.
Oh, do you see what I see....?
~OneRepublic
Thursday, May 8, 2008
The highlights...
Sorry I haven't updated much in the last few days. Been busy busy busy. I'm putting two little slideshow things on here for your viewing pleasure.
This one is of the Junior Parade that took place on Thursday...
This one is of the Big Parade that took place on Friday...
Enjoy!!
This one is of the Junior Parade that took place on Thursday...
This one is of the Big Parade that took place on Friday...
Enjoy!!
Commenting on the commenting
My good friend Chelf made some comments on the post "I miss church" so I thought I'd continue with this subject again...
First, I need to say that I, in no way, believe I am better than anyone else. Anything I discuss in my blog concerning problems I see in the churches around me do not exclude my own actions. I am quite guilty of many things. I think that's why it bothers me so much... because I want to change things, but won't step out on my own. Or something.
Chelf said: "I don't think it was a POINT of change. I think it was gradual. I also think that there is longing in us to get back to the original message. People of our age are jumping at the chance of foreign mission work, small group study, and work harder to show the Love of Christ. Why? Maybe because we want to see it, so we know we must share it first."
Chelf's comments were in regards to my wondering when the churches of Christ changed our goal from reaching and accepting and loving all, to a fashion show meet and greet that often leaves visitors feeling unwelcome and leaving with unanswered questions. At least, that's the way I feel about it. And don't get me wrong, I don't think think this is the case in every congregation. I'm mostly just ranting on not being able to find a church I feel good about like I had in Oklahoma City.
I agree with Chelf, wholeheartedly. I want to say that I've learned more and felt closer to God in small group studies and I know that people our age are embracing this type of "church service" for that very same reason. Since moving here, I've heard people (including preachers and elders) say things to the effect of "meeting in people's homes for church services in smaller settings is not scriptual" or that "breaking up into smaller groups is just another way of 'forsaking the assembly'." Does this sound ridiculous to anyone else? It seems to me that people are so reluctant to step into unknown realms (realms that could lead more people to Christ) because it's not the way things have been done in the past.
I don't think things done in the past were wrong. But I think we're lying to ourselves if we deny the fact that our means of bringing people to Christ need to change with the times. And notice, I said "OUR MEANS," not "OUR MESSAGE". Our message should never change. We should always teach and show Christ's love to everyone. Even (especially) those to whom it is most difficult to show this love and acceptance. (John 13:35 - By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.) (I Corinthians 13:4-7 - Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.)
I know that I'm not going to get anything out a worship service if I don't put something in to it. But I find myself holding back at churches here, because I'm so afraid of being rebuked if I sing too loud, too off key, if a certain verse to a song makes me my soul want to dance and I sway a little to the music. That hasn't happened, but I can see it happening. I can't say that I get particularly spirited in my worship... I'm not a dance up and down the aisles kind of girl. But I'm afraid of "stepping out of line" in anything I do.
The church my parents attend* makes me particularly angry in this sense. I know the anger is my sin, not theirs, but c'mon... a young man wearing flip flops when he's supposed to be teaching a class or preaching has nothing to do with his message, does it?
In Romans 12:1-2 the Word says: "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."
So, if the shoes we wear to the worship service aren't the best ones we have in our closet (or the middle of our bedroom floor...where ever we may be inclined to store them), does that mean we aren't presenting our best to God? Or is worrying about So-and-So's shoes instead of concentrating on your own worship an example of "conforming to the pattern of this world"? I am asking because I truly don't know.
In general, I just get an uneasy feelings towards churches here, so I've stopped going like I should. The fact that I let it bother me to that extent is where I fall short, and an area in which I need considerable amounts of prayer and repenting. I'm trying to work through these feelings I have, and it's hard. Hard on me.
I just want to find a place to worship my God without hesitation and fear of doing something deemed inappropriate if my heart is stirred. (Psalm 47:1 - Clap your hands, all you nations; shout to God with cries of joy.) (Psalm 141:2 - May my prayer be set before you like incense; may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice.)
I want to find a place to worship my God where the leadership is concerned and passionate about finding ways we can present our message and make our relationship with God more meaningful in this day and age, i.e. a small intimate Bible study in each other's homes.
I want to find a place to worship my God where instead of hearing "Well, we won't do that because it's never been done that way before," I hear, "Let me study and pray on what you're suggesting," or even "It says in Book, Chapter, and Verse that what you are suggesting isn't the way we are to conduct ourselves." If I truly do or suggest something inappropriate, and am presented with actual Biblical proof, I will repent of my failure and change my ways. So far, I've received no spiritual backing for the nit-picking I've been exposed to.
Has anyone else felt these things? Or I am being particularly stubborn and/or relentless? And also... How do you make yourself continue to attend worship with a congregation(s) that makes you wonder why you even bother to come.
That was a lot to get off my chest. I'm not even sure it's written coherently enough to understand.
*I respect my parents, and I respect the majority of the people who attend that particular congregation. I seek not to offend any specific person(s), nor anyone in general, with my words and so I will hopefully refrain from doing so by not listing further examples.
First, I need to say that I, in no way, believe I am better than anyone else. Anything I discuss in my blog concerning problems I see in the churches around me do not exclude my own actions. I am quite guilty of many things. I think that's why it bothers me so much... because I want to change things, but won't step out on my own. Or something.
Chelf said: "I don't think it was a POINT of change. I think it was gradual. I also think that there is longing in us to get back to the original message. People of our age are jumping at the chance of foreign mission work, small group study, and work harder to show the Love of Christ. Why? Maybe because we want to see it, so we know we must share it first."
Chelf's comments were in regards to my wondering when the churches of Christ changed our goal from reaching and accepting and loving all, to a fashion show meet and greet that often leaves visitors feeling unwelcome and leaving with unanswered questions. At least, that's the way I feel about it. And don't get me wrong, I don't think think this is the case in every congregation. I'm mostly just ranting on not being able to find a church I feel good about like I had in Oklahoma City.
I agree with Chelf, wholeheartedly. I want to say that I've learned more and felt closer to God in small group studies and I know that people our age are embracing this type of "church service" for that very same reason. Since moving here, I've heard people (including preachers and elders) say things to the effect of "meeting in people's homes for church services in smaller settings is not scriptual" or that "breaking up into smaller groups is just another way of 'forsaking the assembly'." Does this sound ridiculous to anyone else? It seems to me that people are so reluctant to step into unknown realms (realms that could lead more people to Christ) because it's not the way things have been done in the past.
I don't think things done in the past were wrong. But I think we're lying to ourselves if we deny the fact that our means of bringing people to Christ need to change with the times. And notice, I said "OUR MEANS," not "OUR MESSAGE". Our message should never change. We should always teach and show Christ's love to everyone. Even (especially) those to whom it is most difficult to show this love and acceptance. (John 13:35 - By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.) (I Corinthians 13:4-7 - Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.)
I know that I'm not going to get anything out a worship service if I don't put something in to it. But I find myself holding back at churches here, because I'm so afraid of being rebuked if I sing too loud, too off key, if a certain verse to a song makes me my soul want to dance and I sway a little to the music. That hasn't happened, but I can see it happening. I can't say that I get particularly spirited in my worship... I'm not a dance up and down the aisles kind of girl. But I'm afraid of "stepping out of line" in anything I do.
The church my parents attend* makes me particularly angry in this sense. I know the anger is my sin, not theirs, but c'mon... a young man wearing flip flops when he's supposed to be teaching a class or preaching has nothing to do with his message, does it?
In Romans 12:1-2 the Word says: "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."
So, if the shoes we wear to the worship service aren't the best ones we have in our closet (or the middle of our bedroom floor...where ever we may be inclined to store them), does that mean we aren't presenting our best to God? Or is worrying about So-and-So's shoes instead of concentrating on your own worship an example of "conforming to the pattern of this world"? I am asking because I truly don't know.
In general, I just get an uneasy feelings towards churches here, so I've stopped going like I should. The fact that I let it bother me to that extent is where I fall short, and an area in which I need considerable amounts of prayer and repenting. I'm trying to work through these feelings I have, and it's hard. Hard on me.
I just want to find a place to worship my God without hesitation and fear of doing something deemed inappropriate if my heart is stirred. (Psalm 47:1 - Clap your hands, all you nations; shout to God with cries of joy.) (Psalm 141:2 - May my prayer be set before you like incense; may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice.)
I want to find a place to worship my God where the leadership is concerned and passionate about finding ways we can present our message and make our relationship with God more meaningful in this day and age, i.e. a small intimate Bible study in each other's homes.
I want to find a place to worship my God where instead of hearing "Well, we won't do that because it's never been done that way before," I hear, "Let me study and pray on what you're suggesting," or even "It says in Book, Chapter, and Verse that what you are suggesting isn't the way we are to conduct ourselves." If I truly do or suggest something inappropriate, and am presented with actual Biblical proof, I will repent of my failure and change my ways. So far, I've received no spiritual backing for the nit-picking I've been exposed to.
Has anyone else felt these things? Or I am being particularly stubborn and/or relentless? And also... How do you make yourself continue to attend worship with a congregation(s) that makes you wonder why you even bother to come.
That was a lot to get off my chest. I'm not even sure it's written coherently enough to understand.
*I respect my parents, and I respect the majority of the people who attend that particular congregation. I seek not to offend any specific person(s), nor anyone in general, with my words and so I will hopefully refrain from doing so by not listing further examples.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Cause I said I'd try
I told myself I'd try to write something everyday even when I didn't feel like it... So it will probably be boring rubbish. To you anyway.
Today was the first official day of my vacation. I say it that way because I don't really count this past weekend seeing as how I would have been off those days anyway.
I didn't do much today. Woke up earlier than I would have liked because I had a doctor appointment. Nothing major, just trying to seriously monitor my weight. My doctor is helping. Regular visits to weigh definitely helps. Especially thinking about having to go in and weigh every time I think about chocolate. It doesn't help every time but it definitely helps the majority of the time, and that matters more than none of the time. I'm not sure that made sense.
Anyway, I've lost 8 lbs so far. I know that's not a lot, but it's a start. Especially for me. Baby steps.
This week is the West Tennessee Strawberry Festival held here in Humboldt. Tonight was the Opening Ceremonies and the Fireworks Display. A fun time was had by all. Except those who didn't show. Not sure what's in store for tomorrow, but I'm hoping to get some batteries and maybe take some pictures of downtown with all the flags and decorations. :-) But I make no promises.
Today was the first official day of my vacation. I say it that way because I don't really count this past weekend seeing as how I would have been off those days anyway.
I didn't do much today. Woke up earlier than I would have liked because I had a doctor appointment. Nothing major, just trying to seriously monitor my weight. My doctor is helping. Regular visits to weigh definitely helps. Especially thinking about having to go in and weigh every time I think about chocolate. It doesn't help every time but it definitely helps the majority of the time, and that matters more than none of the time. I'm not sure that made sense.
Anyway, I've lost 8 lbs so far. I know that's not a lot, but it's a start. Especially for me. Baby steps.
This week is the West Tennessee Strawberry Festival held here in Humboldt. Tonight was the Opening Ceremonies and the Fireworks Display. A fun time was had by all. Except those who didn't show. Not sure what's in store for tomorrow, but I'm hoping to get some batteries and maybe take some pictures of downtown with all the flags and decorations. :-) But I make no promises.
Alright, seeing as how it's 3:30 in the AM, I'm gonna head. To the bed. I'm a poet and didn't even realize it.
Monday, May 5, 2008
If We Are The Body...
Continuing my thoughts from earlier... I thought I'd post some more of my favorite lyrics. I can sense this becoming a very popular theme with me, so expect more lyrics and my thoughts on them. If you don't enjoy that sort of thing... then read a different blog. ;-)
If We Are The Body, by Casting Crowns
It's crowded in worship today
As she slips in trying to fade into the faces
The girls' teasing laughter is carrying farther than they know
Farther than they know
But if we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching?
Why aren't His hands healing?
Why aren't his words teaching?
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them there is a way.
There is a Way.
A traveler is far away from home
He sheds his coat and quietly sinks into the back row
The weight of their judgmental glances
Tells him that his chances are better out on the road
Jesus paid much too high a price
For us to pick and choose who should come
And we are the body of Christ
Jesus is the Way.
If We Are The Body, by Casting Crowns
It's crowded in worship today
As she slips in trying to fade into the faces
The girls' teasing laughter is carrying farther than they know
Farther than they know
But if we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching?
Why aren't His hands healing?
Why aren't his words teaching?
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them there is a way.
There is a Way.
A traveler is far away from home
He sheds his coat and quietly sinks into the back row
The weight of their judgmental glances
Tells him that his chances are better out on the road
Jesus paid much too high a price
For us to pick and choose who should come
And we are the body of Christ
Jesus is the Way.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Jaxon
On a completely unrelated note... My cousin Chris and his wife Hannah have the cutest baby EVER! :-)
I miss church.
I love Philippians chapter 3. Every time I read it I'm taken back to both of the churches I attended in Oklahoma City. Those churches really had it down--what it meant to be a support system for each other and above all, a family. I'm not saying they were perfect, I just feel they had it figured out--what Jesus wanted the church to be.
They weren't concerned with monetary and material things. If a need arose, they were prayerful about it and God always provided what was best. Philippians 3:7 says: "But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ." Paul is saying that any advance he made in wealth and material possessions was only a loss to the cause of Christ. What happened to churches who thought like this? Why is it that churches in Oklahoma City (who receive much negative talk from the very conservative churches in this area of the United States) can have this figured out and no one in this area can quite catch on to it. Or they don't want to.
I visited one church here that seemed like it was going to be the ideal match for me. They weren't afraid of the conservative church slander and negative publicity they receive from other churches in the area. They have a "praise team" which I've never experienced before, but it wasn't a showcase or performance by any means, and I must say I enjoyed the experience. But as I sat there, knowing no one around me, I felt almost ashamed in my worn out (but comfortable) khaki colored corduroys and polo shirt. Those of you who know me know that I'm not the girliest girl. I don't give much thought to fashion. I actually consider it a waste of time. (But that's a different post on a different day, I guess...) The church was friendly enough, but I really did feel out of place because of the way I was dressed. Everyone there was wearing expensive, fashionable, flashy clothes. Some of the women my age were wearing things I, personally, would think of as "club wear" in that they were very tight and revealing. How is this appropriate to wear to worship a God who calls us to be humble and modest? And if someone who was searching for meaning in their life, someone off the street, strung out on meth, living a life of prostitution to make ends meet walked into the doors seeking answers... how accepted and welcome would they feel?
Philippians 3:8-11: "What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."
When did this goal change among the churches of Christ?
They weren't concerned with monetary and material things. If a need arose, they were prayerful about it and God always provided what was best. Philippians 3:7 says: "But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ." Paul is saying that any advance he made in wealth and material possessions was only a loss to the cause of Christ. What happened to churches who thought like this? Why is it that churches in Oklahoma City (who receive much negative talk from the very conservative churches in this area of the United States) can have this figured out and no one in this area can quite catch on to it. Or they don't want to.
I visited one church here that seemed like it was going to be the ideal match for me. They weren't afraid of the conservative church slander and negative publicity they receive from other churches in the area. They have a "praise team" which I've never experienced before, but it wasn't a showcase or performance by any means, and I must say I enjoyed the experience. But as I sat there, knowing no one around me, I felt almost ashamed in my worn out (but comfortable) khaki colored corduroys and polo shirt. Those of you who know me know that I'm not the girliest girl. I don't give much thought to fashion. I actually consider it a waste of time. (But that's a different post on a different day, I guess...) The church was friendly enough, but I really did feel out of place because of the way I was dressed. Everyone there was wearing expensive, fashionable, flashy clothes. Some of the women my age were wearing things I, personally, would think of as "club wear" in that they were very tight and revealing. How is this appropriate to wear to worship a God who calls us to be humble and modest? And if someone who was searching for meaning in their life, someone off the street, strung out on meth, living a life of prostitution to make ends meet walked into the doors seeking answers... how accepted and welcome would they feel?
Philippians 3:8-11: "What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."
When did this goal change among the churches of Christ?
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Why the name?
My blog name comes from one of my favorite songs. It's called These Thousand Hills and it's by Third Day.
Here are the lyrics:
These thousand hills roll ever on
In footprints of a Mighty God
They bring me to my knees in praise
Amazing Love, Amazing Grace
Was on a hill my Savior died
A broken heart, a bleeding side
Hill of the skull, Mount Calvary
The blood He shed, He shed for me
When Heaven's hills at last I roam
Forever settle in my home
I'll join the saints around Your throne
Your Kingdom, Lord, rolls ever on
These thousand hills roll ever on
Ripples of a coming storm
The morning star precedes the dawn
These thousand hills roll ever on
I love the imagery this song gives me.
Have you ever stood on a hill looking out around you and realize how big the world really is? Do you imagine the valleys as the footprints of the One who made you and everything around you? I do.
Although, I don't really picture my God to be some vast giant. It's more that He's all around. He is in all things, around all things. He is everywhere.
How can I fear anything knowing that God surrounds me in such a way? How can I ignore that still, small voice in my heart knowing that it's the voice of God.
But I fear. And I ignore. Over and over again. And yet He sent His Son to be the final atoning sacrifice for my sins.
Compared to His presence and His love...anything I say or do is insignificant, but He cares enough for me to surround me and to let me know He's right there. Even when I fail miserably and deny Him.
Here are the lyrics:
These thousand hills roll ever on
In footprints of a Mighty God
They bring me to my knees in praise
Amazing Love, Amazing Grace
Was on a hill my Savior died
A broken heart, a bleeding side
Hill of the skull, Mount Calvary
The blood He shed, He shed for me
When Heaven's hills at last I roam
Forever settle in my home
I'll join the saints around Your throne
Your Kingdom, Lord, rolls ever on
These thousand hills roll ever on
Ripples of a coming storm
The morning star precedes the dawn
These thousand hills roll ever on
I love the imagery this song gives me.
Have you ever stood on a hill looking out around you and realize how big the world really is? Do you imagine the valleys as the footprints of the One who made you and everything around you? I do.
Although, I don't really picture my God to be some vast giant. It's more that He's all around. He is in all things, around all things. He is everywhere.
How can I fear anything knowing that God surrounds me in such a way? How can I ignore that still, small voice in my heart knowing that it's the voice of God.
But I fear. And I ignore. Over and over again. And yet He sent His Son to be the final atoning sacrifice for my sins.
Compared to His presence and His love...anything I say or do is insignificant, but He cares enough for me to surround me and to let me know He's right there. Even when I fail miserably and deny Him.
(Thanks to Abbey for the use of this picture even though I didn't ask. Didn't think she'd mind.)
"There is no pit so deep that God’s love is not deeper still" ~Corrie TenBoom (Holocaust Survivor and author of "The Hiding Place")Blogging
So I thought I'd give this blogging thing a try. I used to have interesting things to say... maybe it'll happen again.
Hmm...
Perhaps I'll try writing for a while before I tell anyone this blog exists... That way I'll know if I'm actually interested enough to stick with it and/or have anything interesting enough to say.
Yeah, I think I'll do that.
:)
Hmm...
Perhaps I'll try writing for a while before I tell anyone this blog exists... That way I'll know if I'm actually interested enough to stick with it and/or have anything interesting enough to say.
Yeah, I think I'll do that.
:)
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